THINGS YOU NEED TO BE A CELEBRITY.

One might think that to become a celebrity in this day and age you will need a special talent or a learned ability that makes you a more interesting and tantalizing person. Use your God given gift to record a hit record or film a blockbuster film. But as we've all seen in the tabloid magazines and on the reality TV shows, none of those things are necessary.

Here are the actual things that you need to be a celebrity.

First and foremost you need to have a rich daddy. He could be a successful business tycoon or a former singing star, it doesn't matter. As long as Daddy lets you spend his money on whatever you want and then bails you out of jail with expensive lawyers every time you flip a car while drunk driving or get caught doing drugs in a public bathroom. You'll need a few rich friends too. And try to hang out in places where other famous people are hanging out. Be sure to wear a trampy outfit with a skimpy skirt, and conveniently forget to wear your underwear so the paparazzi can get a revealing picture of you getting into your Bentley. Oh and carrying a really tiny dog with you everywhere helps too.

If your Daddy isn't rich and famous, then you'll have to be a bit more creative. Save your money and go see a fertility specialist and have him impregnate you with 5, 6 or even 7 babies. In fact, the more kids you can have in one pregnancy, the more famous you'll be. I think the current record is 8. Eventually you'll find yourself on Oprah, The Today Show, and may even land your own reality television show where you can exploit those kids for profit. You don't even need to have a spouse either, but if you do, have him cheat on you and gain some sympathy from the single mother's watching TV.

If getting pregnant and trying to raise a litter of exploited TV babies isn't your thing, then get out the video camera and make yourself a sex tape. Perform some raunchy acts with someone sketchy and then leave it out in the open for someone to steal. Eventually it will end up on the internet. Then file a lawsuit trying to ban anyone from profiting from the tape and sell it yourself for millions of dollars to a sleazy pornographic website that will plaster it all over the internet for the world to see. Before you know it, you'll be hanging out with D-list celebrities on some reality show in the jungle eating bugs and enjoying how famous you've become. Daddy will be so proud!



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